Hi and thanks for subscribing to my newsletter! The breakdown is as follows: a short personal essay on top of the message and some more concrete life updates, current media favorites and a recipe at its bottom so feel free to skip to whatever interests you.
My apologies for this letter being so obviously off-schedule - I ran into technical difficulties beyond my control. Luckily, this issue has now been resolved.
CRITICAL POINT*
When the first McDonald’s opened in the big coastal city where my grandparents used to live, my family made it into an excuse for a small gathering. My parents and I, and my grandparents and my uncle were all profoundly interested in what this American thing we had only seen in movies will be all about. I don’t really remember what we got, possibly one of everything, but I do remember how quickly we decided it was all trash. Having not had a McDonald’s cheeseburger in so long, I can still vividly conjure up the taste of the gummy, overly melty cheese (I’ve had vegan cheeses that are more convincing), the sugary, spongy bun and the vinegary bite of the crinkle cut pickles. None of us ever said anything grandiose like “the taste of America is terrible” but we definitely felt a little cheated.
When I was a junior in high school, suddenly finding myself among mostly wealthy young women in upstate New York, a history teacher explained that the often used melting pot metaphor for American society is not the most appropriate anymore and that we should be thinking about it more like a fruit salad – not every piece is different but all are necessary in order to make something really great. In the years since I have failed to find anyone who did not attend my school but did hear that metaphor. Referring to it at dinner parties did use to make for a good story though.
I can’t really pin-point when exactly I started thinking about where between the two food metaphors my experience falls but whenever it was it was probably too late: the American-ness has likely already crept in. Maybe it was when I stopped being scared if I woke up and my first thoughts weren’t in Croatian, maybe it was when I would go home and my friends seemed so disconnected from things that were shaping me, or maybe it was when my grandfather made me cry over Sunday dinner because he thought I had come to love capitalism too much, just like all Americans are assumed to do. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter. Somewhere in my psyche a switch flipped and I started thinking of myself as not necessarily American but at least part American or maybe latent American. This past year has been extremely effective in reminding me that I am absolutely none of those things.
August of next year will mark my tenth year in the United States and my tenth year as an international student on an international student visa. A year after that I will have to go back to Croatia, pay administrative fees and solicit paperwork from my academic department, then interview at the United States embassy in Zagreb and hope that I can secure my fourth consecutive visa. I have done this three times before and it has always been a formality. Likely, it will be a formality in 2019 as well. After all, I am a white woman with a college degree from a Christian country – if you squint hard enough you could still mistake me for a genuine American.
Once I acquire my visa I will keep living the same life I live now: I am only allowed to work for the university that sponsors me and only for a limited number of hours (but there is also a minimum number of hours I do have to fulfill), I am not eligible for any support from the National Science Foundation or similar agencies, I need a travel signature and extra papers when I go abroad and re-enter the country, I pay as much in tax dollars as an American citizen would but I cannot vote and any offense, even an arrestable act of civil disobedience, can put my stay in the country in jeopardy. I used to think that none of this was a big deal until politicians and pundits in the news started regularly reminding me that I am foreign and possibly stealing a job from a real American citizen.
Recently a bus company that serves my campus came out with an outrageous statement claiming that the university should not be accepting so many international students (from some particular countries) because it is supposed to serve residents of our state and not just high paying foreigners. If this weren’t terrible it would be hilarious as so many of us, especially at the graduate level, are not only nowhere near wealthy but also spend so much time teaching and helping children of those state natives that presumably don’t need us, and bringing in funding for research with our work and ideas and this is rather important, if not crucial, for the university’s prestige and function.
When I moved to the United States at age sixteen I did not necessarily consciously come in pursuit of a better life. I was a sad teenager and I wanted to escape whatever it was that I thought was making me sad. Saying I wanted to study abroad simply seemed like a less disconcerting way to phrase that sentiment. I got lucky and stumbled into some amazing opportunities and my life did objectively get better. It is heartbreaking to see my better life degrade so quickly and see my abstract musings on the nature of American-ness become irrelevant in the face of a reality where checking the “Other” box, below “Citizen” and “Permanent Resident”, is all that matters. This is a disappointment much worse than that first bite of a McDonald’s cheeseburger.
Best,
Karmela
*In thermodynamics, a critical point is a feature of a materials phase diagram that signifies the conditions under which two phases can coexist. The simplest example is the liquid-vapor critical point that identifies the extremum temperature and pressure values at which a liquid and the vapor of the same material can coexist. As a critical point identifies a phase transition, studying the physics in its vicinity, especially for quantum mechanical systems, often requires sophisticated methods such as the renormalization group and often reveals very rich physics with universal properties across certain classes of matter.
***
ABOUT THIS WEEK
LEARNING: It’s been quite cold and dark in Illinois recently but my schedule has remained somewhat reasonable so I have not caught too much of the wintertime grumpiness just yet. Things are fast moving on the teaching front as the end of the semester is approaching and I have spent time both designing final exam problems and grading homeworks. On Wednesday I also had a chance to give a lecture in the course I am teaching (teaching assistants in my department typically do not lecture to the whole class and mostly teach small discussion sections and grade homeworks instead). Since the topic was somewhat modern and advanced, I got to briefly talk about my own research within this lecture as well. I can never quite tell how the students are receiving my lectures, but I hope I was at least able to convey some enthusiasm for my field. There is not much that reminds me of how interesting and powerful physics is than having to explain it.
On the research front it seems like another one of my papers is ready for submission, which is an honestly great place to be before the holidays – I am already working on starting a new project in the New Year. The beginning of my week was practically consumed by long correspondences and discussions with collaborators concerning some of the issues I had attempted tackling last week, and it seems that we are converging on a much better understanding of the system we are studying than just a few weeks ago. While I am not necessarily looking forward to going through the motions of fine-tuning another paper, the fact that we are now at the point where that can happen is ultimately a good sign. Needless to say this was punctuated by hours of meetings with my advisor at the end of the week and some very in-depth discussions of every little piece of work we would like to share with the research community. Hopefully I will learn more about symmetries and the classification of topological materials in this process as well – paper writing and editing always forces everyone involved to fully understand all of the subtleties.
LISTENING: I recently heard this episode of Ridiculous History on the ‘war’ on Chinese restaurants that occurred in the 1900s and while this is typically a light-hearted show, this particular topic definitely served as a reminder that American history is riddled with anti-immigration and similarly upsetting sentiments. In keeping with the notion that food is one of the most universal things that connects people across culture, I was both saddened and uplifted by this story about sandwiches in Aleppo, Syria in these two episodes of the Sporkful. Finally, I would be remiss if I did not mention this episode of This American Life about a town in Alaska that is home to exactly zero immigrants yet gets bitterly divided on the issue of their fate. Reported by Brian Reed (of S Town fame), this is a remarkably powerful and shocking story, down to what one should make even of just one average concerned citizen trying to read the news and do the right thing and failing.
Among other good stories I heard this week, Stuff to Blow Your Mind ran a two-part episode on when “now” is and how we perceive it, and it’s definitely been one of the more trippy ones yet. Since it is my birthday month and I was born prematurely I feel like I also need to mention this episode of Sawbones where I learned that care for premature babies as we know it today wouldn’t have quite come about were it not for, out of all things, Coney Island “freak shows”.
Finally, Spotify is starting to roll out personalized end-of-year playlists but mine is half cheesy music I listen to when I run and half Johnny Cash so I listened to it once and then switched to this, quite solid, Gorephilia album instead.
WATCHING: This past weekend, over a batch of homeworks in need of grading, I finished two great Netflix shows: Godless and Mindhunter.
I have written about Mindhunter here before and the final few episodes of its first season definitely followed in the footsteps of my good initial response. A big part of this show is simply the fact that it is meticulously made in the sense of its visual design and attention to detail. In addition to the show looking good, it is also paced very well. Although most of what happens is simply conversation, it is punchy enough to provide just the right amount of tension to the seemingly slow-evolving plot. The casting is another great selling point as it is nothing short of stellar. At the end of the day this is a show where I have guessed the ending after just hearing about and it still kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time. (The subject matter tackled in this series is interesting enough to warrant a longer discussion, especially since I have dipped my toes in the world of true crime media before, so I am hoping to come back to it at a future time. For an interesting discussion of some of the themes and how the show came about you can, not surprisingly, listen to this episode of Supercontext.)
I stumbled into watching Godless because my boyfriend’s father was watching it during Thanksgiving break and I am really glad that I did. It is a limited series meaning that it reads more like a ten hour movie split into eight parts than a classic TV show and that really changes the watching experience – the actors and the script can linger on the kind of western tropes that would usually only get fleeting moments, or a slot in a mid-movie montage, and the series is definitely better for it. Watching it, I got a distinct impression that the creators simply love classic westerns and that even the most typical of plot points (villainous one-armed preacher, somewhat insane bandits, courtesan turned teacher, a forbidden cross-racial love story, an ailing sheriff out for just one last win, an overly bumble-y sheriff’s deputy… the list goes on) are handled with enough adoration that they feel comfortably familiar rather than annoying. The preparations for the final show-down and the big fight itself seems to be a collection of the best things about every other big, final fight but carefully molded together and overflowing with some of the most incredible women I had seen on a screen lately (Atomic Blonde clearly being an exception). It is hard to not argue that the story of the town of La Belle and its women is not a feminist story but the feminism of it seems to be emergent rather than predestined to be the focus and that is really refreshing and enjoyable. The women in this show are undoubtedly awesome and, for the lack of a less clunky term, badass. (I’ve fallen in love with Michelle Dockery in Godless more than with Anna Torv in Mindhunter and I have been a huge fan of Anna Torv ever since Fringe and her very compelling Olivia Dunham.) If there are ever spinoffs to this limited series, I will be the first to binge them.
EATING: It has been a fairly typical week in my kitchen: I made some dal-style peas and red lentils, a really good, salty and brine-y, vegan puttanesca with zucchini spirals, and a few burrito bowls.
I barely ever make real burritos and I typically tend to buy them only after long nights out, when all of the food trucks are parked right in front of the bars, or in airports, but I do make burrito bowls at least semi-regularly. They are easy and versatile and lend themselves well to planning and cooking ahead. This week’s edition included roasted green bell peppers, roasted zucchini and yellow squash, romaine lettuce, brown rice, avocado, chipotle refried black beans and jarred salsa but what I am sharing below is more of a cheat sheet that will make any other assortment of beans, greens and grains taste at least burrito-adjacent.
For a single bowl you will need;
½ cup of cooked brown rice or quinoa
½ of a romaine heart, 2-3 cups of lightly sautéed kale, 2 cups of baby spinach or 2 cups of finely shredded red cabbage
½ of an avocado
1 roasted bell pepper of any color
½ cup of ‘refried’ black beans or ½ cup of roasted chickpeas
Roasted veggies (pick 2): butternut squash or sweet potato cut into bite-sized cubes, brussels sprouts cut in half, zucchini or yellow squash cut into bite-sized rounds, cauliflower cut into small florets
Cherry tomatoes or salsa (jarred or homemade)
A clove or two of garlic, some olive oil for roasting, spices (cumin, chili powder, oregano, parsley), chipotle chilis in adobo (optional)
For topping (optional): juice of ½ fresh lime, cilantro, red onion, hot sauce, cow or plant-based cheese shreds and sour cream, cashew cream
Cook your grains and roast your veggies: I do this ahead of time and I roast all of my veggies in the same way – on a sheet pan at 400F for about 30-5 minutes (checking after 20 minutes) or until sufficiently browned, tossed with about a teaspoon of olive oil per vegetable and some spices. In this case I would opt for salt, pepper and cumin or chili powder. Starchier vegetables like butternut squash or sweet potatoes will soak up the flavors nicely so you can be somewhat heavy-handed with the spice. Some dried oregano or parsley also work well on cauliflower.
Make your beans: typically I use canned beans but discard the liquid and thoroughly rinse them first.
To roast the chickpeas the procedure is very much the same as above except that you should check them and shake the sheet pan after about 10 minutes. In twenty minutes total they should be crispy and golden brown.
To ‘re-fry’ black beans add about a teaspoon of olive oil into a small pot and over medium heat sauté some finely minced garlic then add the beans (it’s easiest if you just use the whole can and then save leftovers) and, if using, finely chopped chipotle chilis, a pinch of salt and any other spices, and a few spoonful’s of adobo (to taste as this makes the beans spicy). Add just enough water to cover the beans then bring the mixture to a boil. Lower the heat to a steady simmer and stir with a broad spoon that you can use to mash some of the beans. Stop when the mixture has a texture you like and is warm throughout.
If you are super low on time you can pan-fry the chickpeas in just a bit of oil with garlic and spices or you can just take any canned bean, toss them with hot sauce and spices and briefly warm up that mixture as well.
Greens: if you are not eating your greens raw, chop them and sauté in a minimal amount of olive oil, adding just a little salt and a squeeze of lime juice once they wilt. Do not overcook. Otherwise, simply chop the greens (if necessary – I don’t chop baby spinach for instance) and layer at the bottom of your bowl
Assemble: top the greens with rice, a dollop of beans and a generous amount of roasted veggies. Pile on a few tablespoons of salsa or a cup of cherry tomatoes sliced in half and add slices or cubes of your avocado. If you like cilantro, mince it and mix with some finely diced red onion and lime juice, then use this mixture as a topping as well.
Tips: When corn is in season I will typically include steamed corn on the cob. In the winter I opt for polenta instead. Unfortunately, polenta is more fussy too cook and cannot be prepared in big batches ahead of time like rice or quinoa so it works less well for meal prep or if you are making your burrito bowl as a last-dish-effort fridge cleaning option.
For a grain-less or low carb option omit the rice or quinoa and use more lettuce or add another vegetable to your roasting spread. You could also use cauliflower rice (which does require a food processor or buying it pre-made).
If you have time make guacamole instead of simply eating avocado slices. I like this recipe.
If you eat dairy consider adding some crumbled cotija cheese or a small dollop, sour cream or even Greek yogurt mixed with cumin and cilantro. For a vegan version of dairy toppings make cashew cream or buy pre-made vegan products (take note of the ingredients and nutritional values when shopping as occasionally some older brands of vegan sour cream will contain trans fats which is rather bad for your health).
For a breakfast version: add some soft scrambled eggs, a tofu scramble (feel free to add some diced onions into this recipe) or a chickpea scramble.
Finally, there are much fancier vegan burrito feeling options out there, like Beyond Meat soy-free 'beef' crumbles or homemade ‘meats’ with cauliflower and walnuts. I have not dabbled in these much as I am primarily interested in eating simple, whole foods (and don't have a walnut-crushing-ly powerful food processor) but don’t let that stop you from experimenting.