I loved this so much 🥹 one thing I did when I was afraid to say out loud that I was a writer was to type it a lot: I labeled a Google email folder “I am a writer” to file any affirming correspondence; I put it in variations of passwords, I wrote it by hand…. I think it helped! &When I have writing coaching clients I send them a document titled “[Name] is a writer”!
I also love how you weave dialogue with your mom throughout this. Just wonderful all around. And I can’t wait for your book!
Thank so much for reading and these kind words. Folks have been so nice about this and the solidarity from other writers really means a lot. And the folder idea is such a good one so thank you for that too! I used to recommend something similar to students (a folder of good feedback for days when they felt like they weren’t learning enough) and should really try it on myself.
Loved reading this piece especially as I am currently struggling with the idea that I’m writing a memoir, feeling as though if I admit it to anyone I will sound pompous or self-important. Thank you for complicating the narrative I’ve imposed on myself, because I realize now that being shy about sharing is also attached to my ongoing issues around confidence and self-esteem. Thank you 🖤
I'm imagining a similar web of writers like you did for the history of physics papers (which I loved). I'm not familiar enough with your literary neighbors in this mapping to know if they have your acute self-reflection of the spaces you're creating and occupying. It seems a strong defense, though, against whatever worst-case scenarios you envision. Your awareness of how things can "go awry," or how similar work can be interpreted uncharitably would seem to serve well in a conscious approach to creating what you want.
I say this with the most tentative approach of probably any comment I'd written, though, because like any character trait, too little or too much can result in unhelpful outcomes. What amount of self-doubt is good humility versus defeatist? How much effort in predicting responses and hardening writing is useful? Whose feedback is worth devoting your emotional and mental energy towards? (I am not a writer, I am hardly marginalized, and I am speaking with 0 authority. 👍)
My use of the word "defense" earlier was intentional. It may not be the posture you want to use at all! I also celebrate folks who can channel a, "fuck you, I'm here, deal with it" energy. That ain't me, though. Usually.
I hope it's motivating that your work will almost certainly be read by someone who will feel immensely seen. They might have a different configuration of intersecting identities from you, but the feelings and experiences you describe speak to many people now and hopefully more in the future (except the hard parts).
Probably the most annoying and naive thing I can say, from hearing it from other writers, is that all of this is the process. The doubt, the identity, the concern on nailing a balance between a dozen dimensions of genre and tone... I've heard it's quite the pleasant and breezy experience. 😜
Edit: I keep editing this to add caveats... These are musings at best in response to thoughtful things you wrote, and I can't express enough how little experience with all this I have. I just relate to doubt and have done a lot of inner work on how my behaviors and traits do or don't serve my values. Take or leave any or all of it.
I appreciate your care and nuance here and of course the encouragement. I want to believe that it’s all part of the process too, and it’s helpful to know nothing I’m saying is all that unusual. Thank you for reading!
I loved this so much 🥹 one thing I did when I was afraid to say out loud that I was a writer was to type it a lot: I labeled a Google email folder “I am a writer” to file any affirming correspondence; I put it in variations of passwords, I wrote it by hand…. I think it helped! &When I have writing coaching clients I send them a document titled “[Name] is a writer”!
I also love how you weave dialogue with your mom throughout this. Just wonderful all around. And I can’t wait for your book!
Thank so much for reading and these kind words. Folks have been so nice about this and the solidarity from other writers really means a lot. And the folder idea is such a good one so thank you for that too! I used to recommend something similar to students (a folder of good feedback for days when they felt like they weren’t learning enough) and should really try it on myself.
Loved reading this piece especially as I am currently struggling with the idea that I’m writing a memoir, feeling as though if I admit it to anyone I will sound pompous or self-important. Thank you for complicating the narrative I’ve imposed on myself, because I realize now that being shy about sharing is also attached to my ongoing issues around confidence and self-esteem. Thank you 🖤
Thanks so much for reading! Fwiw, I’d be so excited to read your memoir, and hope it gets easier to talk about it - for both of us
I'm imagining a similar web of writers like you did for the history of physics papers (which I loved). I'm not familiar enough with your literary neighbors in this mapping to know if they have your acute self-reflection of the spaces you're creating and occupying. It seems a strong defense, though, against whatever worst-case scenarios you envision. Your awareness of how things can "go awry," or how similar work can be interpreted uncharitably would seem to serve well in a conscious approach to creating what you want.
I say this with the most tentative approach of probably any comment I'd written, though, because like any character trait, too little or too much can result in unhelpful outcomes. What amount of self-doubt is good humility versus defeatist? How much effort in predicting responses and hardening writing is useful? Whose feedback is worth devoting your emotional and mental energy towards? (I am not a writer, I am hardly marginalized, and I am speaking with 0 authority. 👍)
My use of the word "defense" earlier was intentional. It may not be the posture you want to use at all! I also celebrate folks who can channel a, "fuck you, I'm here, deal with it" energy. That ain't me, though. Usually.
I hope it's motivating that your work will almost certainly be read by someone who will feel immensely seen. They might have a different configuration of intersecting identities from you, but the feelings and experiences you describe speak to many people now and hopefully more in the future (except the hard parts).
Probably the most annoying and naive thing I can say, from hearing it from other writers, is that all of this is the process. The doubt, the identity, the concern on nailing a balance between a dozen dimensions of genre and tone... I've heard it's quite the pleasant and breezy experience. 😜
Edit: I keep editing this to add caveats... These are musings at best in response to thoughtful things you wrote, and I can't express enough how little experience with all this I have. I just relate to doubt and have done a lot of inner work on how my behaviors and traits do or don't serve my values. Take or leave any or all of it.
I appreciate your care and nuance here and of course the encouragement. I want to believe that it’s all part of the process too, and it’s helpful to know nothing I’m saying is all that unusual. Thank you for reading!